Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Randomize
