Me. At least after what I've been through.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
