Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
