He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
