those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
