you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
