apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
