then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
