Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
