did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
