So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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