what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
