Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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