Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
