The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
