I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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