WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
