my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
