I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
