ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
