Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
