yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
