big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
