And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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