wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
