You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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