We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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