A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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