We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
