My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
