so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
