I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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