It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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