After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
