yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You can't motorboat a personality
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
