I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
