Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
