Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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