someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
