i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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