it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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