Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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