Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
