Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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