the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
