yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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