my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
