after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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