i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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