He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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