I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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