I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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